The Interconnection of Three S’s

Throughout my life, I’ve made the word/concept/idea of connection complicated. For far too long I didn’t feel connected, and in fact spent many, many years feeling utterly alone. Even when I was an active and sometimes happy part of something (a group, experience, activity, etc.), the feeling of not fitting often came up. I eventually chalked it up to it “just being the way I am” and that I would never be understood.

With the pandemic, moving to a new place and having what I perceived at the time to be very few connections, I ended up in a couple of online groups that really forced me to look at the stories I had created around the word/concept/idea of connection. I discovered that despite thinking I had done the inner work through my yoga practice and teaching/believing that the key is to connect with yourself first, I really hadn’t been embodying this. In fact, it turns out I had less understanding, less compassion and less kindness towards myself than I did towards other people. I felt worthy and connected when others gave me validation, acceptance and approval, but deep down I still felt (and in some ways acted) like the “girl who would just never fit in”

The last couple of years, I have been on an internal journey to change this. The thing with internal journeys is you sometimes don’t see or notice the affects of the work you’re doing until a bit later down the road. It’s been interesting for me to see how these current travels have been intersecting with the internal work I’ve been doing, and a constant and continual theme for me this trip has been around connections.

As my current “external” journey comes to a close . . . this last instalment has been filled with connections which all conveniently come down to the letter “S”

Chapter 1: Self

Connection to self was the theme of the first “S” and my first week of the year was spent at a silent Vipassana meditation retreat on the outskirts of Bangkok at a place called Sorn Thawee Meditation Center.

It wasn’t my first journey into silence as I had done a 10 day Vipassana retreat several years ago, but this one was different. It was a lot more gentle, more laid back, more nurturing (which if you remember . . . . I discovered this is what I was needing during my retreat in Chiang Rai), and was led by an Austrian nun named Brigitte Schrottenbacher who has been in Thailand for 34 years and been a nun for 33.

It was very basic living where we all had our own individual kuti (small hut for monks or meditators) and our two meals of the day (breakfast and lunch) were delivered directly to our place. We meditated together three times a day, and learned about meditating in all positions – seated, lying down, walking and standing. In the evening MC Brigitte would sometimes give a short chat and then we had Q&A time where we could ask ANYTHING which was so interesting because people asked questions about meditating, Buddhism, her experience as a nun, the difference between life as a nun and monk, techniques to use at different times, the nature of human behaviour, etc.

This particular internal work wasn’t (and usually often isn’t) easy, but I learned so much, had my own individual, personal experience of releasing and was grateful to just spend the first week of a new year focusing on building the connection to me, truly knowing that most EVERYTHING comes from here!

Chapter 2: Singapore

There was great energy at the retreat and wonderful people that I connected with after silence was up. Then, I took all this goodness and quiet, and went . . . . straight to the airport!

I wouldn’t recommend this and it wasn’t ideal. I had planned to spend a couple of days at the end hanging out somewhere and simply processing, but just before I went to go to the retreat, I checked my passport to find that my visa which allowed me to stay in Thailand for 45 days was up THE DAY the retreat ended. How had 45 days in Thailand already flown by?!

So, that night in order not to violate my visa, I flew to Singapore. I could feel that it was time to head back to Canada soon and I started to think about my route back. B-Rod and I haven’t really used Singapore as an entry/exit point for Asia because other airlines are a bit easier for us to get on, but I found a flight that looked fairly open flying out of Changi Airport. So, I thought I’d check out Singapore, and there were a few people in that area that I was excited to possibly see!

My buddy from BC “K”

I’ve been fortunate enough to have made one really strong connection in my time in Kelowna. My friend “K” and I love paddle boarding, having meaningful conversations, discussing “the woo” and using movement to tap in (she’s a really amazing Nia teacher). She had been away and had just returned to Kelowna before I left and was planning on travelling again in January. I was supposed to be back at the end of November, so we’d have some time to hang before she left. Except . . . . I never came back in November, . . . . or December 😆

I arrived in Singapore just as she was starting her travel journey. We were able to meet for a few hours before she made her way to Malaysia, and though we had nowhere near enough time to catch up on everything that had happened over the past few months to both of us, it was so good to connect, share some of the important stuff and have a few magical experiences in the short time we had together. .

My online friends “M” and “S”

I am so grateful that during the pandemic I found a couple of online communities that are extremely supportive, open and respectful to many different viewpoints, have amazing people and helped me to expand my thinking, perspective and how I choose to live. It surprised me to find that type of connection online, AND it’s been exciting to get the chance to actually meet these peeps!

I knew that M lived in Singapore and made sure to contact her when I knew that I would be there, and then we found out that S was also moving to Singapore . . . . the day BEFORE M and I were meeting!! It was so exciting that it all worked out and the three of us got to meet in the flesh! It’s so interesting to get to know people so well in an online space that when you meet in person, it just feels so natural and easy.

Exploring and Connecting to the City

I only really had two full days in Singapore with my priority being meeting up with my peeps. But I’ve discovered that even when I want to rest and take it easy, I just can’t seem to. Wandering and exploring truly lights me up, and if there’s a city/area to go out and discover . . . . go out and discover and walk many many km’s I do!

Singapore is an exciting city with so many things to see and do in such a small area. Anything you want to see, do or experience, you can probably have that in Singapore. Which on the one hand is great, on the other hand it felt a bit overwhelming and at times somewhat over the top. Still, I haven’t been there since I was a kid, so it was just fun to just walk around and explore some of the different areas.

A highlight was definitely Gardens by the Bay which I didn’t nearly have enough time to spend time at!

Chapter 3: San Francisco

Eventually, the time to leave Asia arrived. Could I stay there forever?! Absolutely!! SE Asia is where I’ve discovered I feel most “at home” But, all I can say is that it feels like time to return to Canada (for now), I feel like there’s a sense of closure or wrap up, and a big lesson I’ve learned this trip is to trust and follow those feelings!

My return to North America took me to San Francisco. This was another destination that I don’t often use as a jumping point to enter/exit Asia. The day I arrived in SF was going to be the day a friend of mine also arrived back from her adventures in a different part of Asia, so I was excited to possibly meet up with her in the airport. She ended up returning a couple days earlier, asked if I wanted to stay with her to which I enthusiastically responded “YES” and I now had a way to ease my way back into Canadian winter!

My friend “L” and I also met in an online group and spent a good amount of time together over Zoom. We were trying to think about how long we’ve known each other. I think it was just before the height of the pandemic. I remember meeting with her weekly and talking about the latest developments and how things where unfolding in our different areas and all the craziness at that time! It was so amazing to meet in person, she kitted me out for the weather, fed me very well (she’s a wonderful and creative cook AND took me to some cool SF spots for eats) and helped give me a full on SF experience in the short couple of days that I was there.

My full day in the city, it RAINED . . . . NON . . . . STOP!!! But, we’re both walkers who want to be outside, so we got geared up and headed out.

Good food is really important for me when I travel, so it was great to be with a fellow foodie! The only real thing I had on my “SF list” was to have tea leaf salad . . . .

Another food highlight was supper at Shuggies which has made their motto “food waste paradise” and refers to their pizzas as “trash pie” I’ll let you look them up to read more about it because the concept is really great, the atmosphere is super fun AND their food was soooo good!!!

The day of my departure, the clouds separated, the rains stopped there was some blue sky peaking out through the clouds and we had a dry morning to walk around and complete the other request on my list . . . . . jump shot! 😆

Epilogue

I don’t know if there’s anyone more surprised than I am at how a three week trip turned into a 2.5 month internal journey/quest. There are so many experiences, reflections, insights and a-ha moments (only a fraction of which I wrote about here) that happened along the way that I know I will be processing and integrating for many more months (and possibly years) to come!

I’m used to travelling on the fly, (though after the “pandemic break” it did take awhile to get back into the swing) and you have to be somewhat comfortable with that idea if you choose to travel standby. But, I had never travelled “intuitively” like this before . . . . not knowing at all when I’d return, where I’d go next, what I’d do, and not even having some kind of tentative plan. I had a lot of anxiety around this in the beginning, and there were many times (especially when something I thought I was going to do fell through) that I really had to just sit with the discomfort of not knowing instead of rushing into something for the sake of having a plan. I vowed near the beginning that I would only do what felt right even though at that time I didn’t necessarily know what that meant, and I am quite proud of myself for sticking to this.

Some of my biggest takeaways/learnings included KNOWINGS around trusting myself, love, support, and releasing some fears and shame that I’ve held onto for way too long because in the end . . . . that shit just doesn’t matter! I realized how connected I really am, how magnetic and powerful my energy is and how the people, situations, and opportunities come to me when I am open and allow them to. I realized that the only way any of us can waste our life is by not realizing what a gift it is. It doesn’t mean we all have to go out and do something big and ambitious (unless you really want to and are called to), it just simply means not one of us will be here forever, so how can we appreciate and relish and find some kind of joy with what’s in front of us right now?

And finally I re-remembered that both external and internal journeys light me up, jump shots are THE best, my smile is one of my best features and there are “signs” everywhere!

Thanks for “travelling” with me! Wishing you all get exactly what you want, do more of what makes you smile and recognize the gifts surrounding you daily.

Sending you so much love always!

✨💖✨ Radiant Roxy ✨💖✨